Traci Spence

Real Estate and Healthy Living

Healthy Mindset, Raising Babes

Comments : 2

In the last few years, I have read different things about how kids don’t know how to be bored these days because they have so much offered to them. How we are taking away creativity and imaginations because we are putting a screen in their faces, or feeling like it’s our jobs to entertain them 24/7. How the great musicians, artists, scientists, leaders, etc — all were born into those roles because they were once bored and learned skills needed that only boredom could have allowed. As a parent, I am pretty strict about screen time, but it took time for me to learn that it is not my job to entertain my kids. Now, when I hear the dreaded “I’m bored”, “I have nothing to do” or “what can I do?”, my response is for them to find something to do, or I will.

It isn’t the popular response.

While sitting at a red light the other day, I mindlessly picked up my phone and went straight to Facebook—not responding to a text really quickly, but straight to social media, without even realizing it. When the light turned green, I put my phone down and then a thought popped into my mind…how can our kids learn how to be bored, if we don’t know how to as well?

I have forgotten how to be bored, y’all!

While the question of how can our kids learn how to be bored if we don’t know how to is new to me, the thought of me needing to exercise a discipline of not allowing so much of my own “screentime” is not. Recognizing that it had become a problem for me was the first step in making a change, but as you can tell, it’s a work in progress.

And, for me, phones are just a noticeable part of it. The busyness of life, yes, life is busy, is easier to get wrapped up in. I’m 1 of 11 kids, my husband is 1 of 4. The last time I counted, we have over 30 nieces and nephews. We have 2 babes of our own, plus a job, a business, regular things to do, etc. By default, life is just busy. And, I love it! But, I am learning to appreciate down time. I am learning to love it, too. And when there is downtime, you can ask my husband, I think I’m(we’re) supposed to be doing something. Feeling the need to be busy all of the time is not the healthy mindset that I want to have for myself, and one that I certainly do not want my kids to think they need to follow as well—not now, and not 30 years from now.

So, I think that if we want our kids to know how to be bored, maybe we need to get back to a little of it ourselves. We need to stop feeling like we have to go, go, go all of the time, stop feeling like if we do get to sit down, that we need a phone to scroll through to do so, stop feeling like we have to stay busy every second of the day…

And start pulling out a board game, picking up an instrument, drawing, going for a walk, jumping on a trampoline, playing hide and go seek.

And maybe this isn’t something you struggle with, and that is great! And maybe it is. Don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s easy to do. But I challenge all of us to start showing our children and those that we influence how to be bored, and the good that comes from it—because they are looking at us. And there’s no telling what other distractions they will have 20, 30, 40 years from now that will keep them from not being a little “bored”, but we need to teach them now that it’s okay. We need to teach them now to use their imaginations and play “I spy”, put on a concert or a play in the living room, build a fort, make up a new game. I mean, if it wasn’t for boredom, my siblings and I would have never came up with “The Midnight Club” or “Stop, drop your weapon”, some of my most talked about childhood memories.

And if you are a parent who is thinking, “bored”….hmmmppphh…I don’t know what that’s like. I feel you. I do. We have a lot on our plates, and most of the time we don’t stop until we make ourselves call it a night. But, if I had to guess, I bet we could make some time to be bored with our kids, not as a means to entertain their boredom, but to join in on whatever game or activity they decide to come up with. At least, that’s what I’m trying to do; it’s a start. Because at the end of the day, somebody does still have to wash dishes, wash (and maybe fold) clothes, give baths, brush teeth, make beds, cook meals, pack lunches, keep the house somewhat livable, exercise, work, return phone calls/texts, oh and sleep…until you do it all again the next day, leaving the bigger projects to other times when you may get “bored”. But part of that list needs to include being bored with them, make it a priority with them. It will be good for you, and them, and all of us.

As a mama, I have learned that being a “grown up” is a funny thing. It’s something we all couldn’t wait to be—to make our own decisions, stay up as late as we wanted, do whatever we wanted to do. I have learned the incredible responsibility of doing those things, along with the balance of doing what’s best for me and my family. So yes, we can be and do as we please for the most part, after all, we are the “grown ups”—but a big part of that is to watch how it is affecting the ones we love the most, and what it’s teaching them.

For me, I want mine to see that I know how to be a little bored too, and the fun that can come from it. I want to stop allowing the availability of not having to be bored stop me from knowing how to be. Who knows…I may just create some of my most talked about memories, we may just create some of our most talked about memories.

https://tracispence.com/boredom/

Love, Self-Confidence

Mirror, Mirror On The Wall….

Leave a Comment

What do you see when you look in the mirror? Or do you avoid it altogether?

I’m not talking about just your physical looks. But when you look into the mirror, what is it that you tell yourself? Try it. Look into the mirror, the actual mirror, and the mirror of your heart. What are you reflecting back? Is it positive?

If not, first, I want to tell you that it can be—but it will take time.

Second, I want to encourage you to put up notes to speak life into yourself until you can get to the point of doing it yourself. Notes of encouragement, Bible verses, life goals—only speaking positive affirmations. Whether you believe them all right now or not—do it.

Because you are….

  • Beautiful
  • Worthy
  • Loved
  • Adored
  • Favored
  • Kind
  • ______________

What are your favorite Bible verses? Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my faves! Also, I am an over thinker and while I know that I am a very positive, glass half full kind of girl, the enemy knows that too—and let me tell you, he will try to creep in and take that from you. So learning, and reminding myself, to “capture every thought”(2 Corinthians 10:5) is a biggie for me. Maybe it is for you too.

What are your goals? What dreams has God put into your heart? Put those up there to remind yourself of them and to not lose sight of them.

Write these down, tape them to your mirror and read them every time you to go into your bathroom. It wouldn’t hurt to also throw one or two up on your car visor if you want.

And, PRAY for God to open your heart to these words. Because He redeemed us to be those things, we can believe those things—with His help.

It will take time, but eventually, you will begin to live like it. Eventually, you will develop the confidence that God wants you to have. Eventually, He will slowly peel back layers that this broken world has led you to believe about yourself.

And don’t let anyone tell you, including yourself, that believing these things is arrogant. Self-confidence isn’t arrogant; it’s believing in yourself the way that God wants you to. It’s seeing yourself the way that He wants you to. It’s knowing that through Him, all things are possible.

And y’all, it won’t happen overnight. Unfortunately, we live in a microwave society where we want it, and we want it yesterday.

I.AM.SO.GUILTY.OF.THIS.

So, don’t expect it overnight, but expect it…good change will come from it. It has for me.

Love

Fast Food Order Gone Wrong

Comments : 2

When I opened the bag, I was so aggravated to find that my order was wrong. To say that I handled it the wrong way was, well an understatement. “I’m just done”—that’s what I said. Because a few days before it was wrong too—ugh!

I mean when you expect something to be a certain way and it isn’t, that justifies a temper tantrum, right?! NOT! Ever been there?

But instead of choosing love at that moment and extending grace, I decided to call to get it “made right”. Not that we could go back to get a corrected order at that moment, but maybe later. And after not being the most polite, grace extending human being that I should have been at that moment, I had a continued feeling of uneasiness for the next ten minutes. My aggravation had worn off and guilt set in, and the words on the other end of the line were on repeat in my head….”everyone makes mistakes, now let me make it right”. AND.SHE.WAS.SO.RIGHT.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” – Ephesians 4:29

How often do I make mistakes—EVERYDAY—one being the way that I just handled that whole situation. So, I picked up the phone, called back and apologized for the not so friendly way that I handled that, and thankfully, she accepted my apology.

Now, I’m not saying that if you are wronged {even if it’s just a fast food order} that you should just overlook it and not bring it up, but that’s not what happened here, I could have still called, but handled it in a totally different way. I mean who am I to make someone else feel less than or to ruin her night? Do I make mistakes? Absolutely! And I pray that others extend grace to me when I do—but one thing that I DO KNOW is that God will always extend that grace—even if others don’t. Did she know that? Was I showing her who He was through my actions?

Even when we know that God is extending grace to us when others don’t, we can still let a mistake or conversation get to us. And how am I choosing love if I choose to react in a not so friendly way to begin with, then allow pride to get in the way of not choosing love again?

We all make mistakes—we are human. And like she said, “now let me make it right”. I had to swallow my pride, accept humility and call her back to make it right. And though that was a conversation that wasn’t exactly mean, just not the way that I wish I could say that I handled it—not all mistakes that we make are as simple to take back. But the biggest step we can take is apologizing.

Sometimes that’s all someone wants to hear, those three words can make the biggest difference, moments, days—even years later.

KNOW THIS: God knows we are not going to live “perfect” in this world. He knows our flesh is going to react in ways that are completely displeasing to Him. He knows the devil is there with his pitchfork cheering us on in every circumstance, to react in that displeasing way. He knows every choice we will make in our lifetime—AND HE LOVES US ANYWAY. All we have to do is ask Him to forgive us—go to Him with a true repenting heart—and there He is, standing with open arms, saying “I forgive you”.

So even when times get tough on this earth—because they will. Those moments when we let our reactions get the best of us—even when we do apologize and the recipient of that apology isn’t exactly extending the grace we thought they may—apologize anyway.

When you feel it, when you know that you did wrong to someone, swallow that pride and humble yourself and say “I am sorry”. And know that whichever way that person chooses to respond, even if they are reluctant, that God isn’t. Go to Him, find rest in Him, ask Him to forgive you—His grace will pour over you and you will be forgiven.

Lord, I pray that each person reading this can take something away from it. While simple moments like a fast food order gone wrong are so small compared to big problems in this world, please help us see that it starts with us in our everyday moments—that our reactions to even the smallest problem may be the only example someone sees of You that day. And, if we expect the world to change in big ways, we have to show love in the small ways. Please help us to choose love, which in turn may help others choose it themselves— help us to be your hands and feet. I pray that you give us wisdom and guidance. Thank you for your continued mercy and grace in our lives. In Jesus’ Name, amen.

Joy

Finding the Joy

Comments : 4

“The secret to having it all is believing that you already do.” – Unknown

It was one of those days, a day when my own insecurities creeped in and made me feel that dreadful word, jealous.{where’s my face palm emoji} Why are they so much better than me, why do I get overlooked? In my mind I was justifying all of the reasons to feel like this, but my heart knew that these feelings were simply the devil trying his best to bring me down, to make me feel and act out of jealously. And did I give in to those feelings? Yes, I did. I put on the fake smile, when inside I was dying–why them, why not me?!

How often does that feeling creep in on you?

How often do we sit and think about what others have that we don’t? I know that I am just as guilty as the next person, even if it’s just a brief thought.

Comparison kills joy.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” – Romans 12:2

God created us to be so much more than joy stealers. When we let our minds wander to what we don’t have, it takes so much away from what we do have. And sometimes, when we do look at another person’s life, the bitterness that builds up inside begins to show up on the outside—stealing joy, not only for yourself, but for others.

KNOW THIS: God has ahhhmazing plans for your life. You may not always be able to see them and they may look completely different from someone else or from what you thought they would, but ultimately, still amazing. He is using YOU (He chose you) to further His kingdom, whether you can see it right now or not. So push through. When comparison starts to creep in, because I promise you, it will; go ahead and tell that devil to get off your back, and seek God. He is your refuge when you can’t seem to find the joy. Ask Him to show you your own blessings, your own reasons for joy. They are there.

God created us each to be who He intended, not being someone else. So, please, let’s all stop the comparison game and choose to be free from it, to seek Him, to seek joy, to seek being the person God wants each of us to be, for His glory—be her.

Dear Lord, I pray that each person reading this seeks you daily, that they know the feelings of comparison come from the one who wants to wreak havoc in our lives. These feelings can be overcome by seeking You in all we do, by knowing these hard times will come, but Your strength will overpower those feelings of inadequacy, giving us not only the power to overcome, but knowing how to react. Helping us find true joy for that person in their time of happiness, knowing that their happiness does not diminish our own—we are all chosen, we are all loved, we all have our own purpose and calling. Thank You for loving each of us in such a way. We love You and praise You, through the hard times and the great times, please help us to find that joy. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Anxiety & Fear

Read It Again

Leave a Comment

A little over a year ago I was brought to Psalm 40:1-3 from a devotion that I read. When I first read it, it made me think to send it to a loved one who was battling addiction. And what I told them along with the picture of this scripture was that I was proud of them and that God was using this in their life to further His kingdom, for His good, for their story to help others through their own struggles with addiction. And while I am still confident that God put that scripture in my life to send to them, man, did He know all too well that I needed it for myself.

Two pictures, the first is the one I sent to that person a little over a year ago, shortly after I began reading it almost daily, to the second, months after it started changing my life. I felt led to send it to them. I then continued to read it almost daily and wish that I would have put dates beside the notes that I took, just to see when it all started. This scripture opened my eyes to my own struggles, to my own addictions, to my own story of His redemption.

Maybe you have read this scripture a thousand times and it has spoken to your heart like mine, or maybe you are me a little over a year ago and reading it for the first time.

IT.WILL.CHANGE.YOUR.HEART.

It will open your eyes to your struggles in life, to His goodness again and again. It will remind you of that last time you said “thank you God” for that answered prayer, even if it wasn’t the answer you were praying for. You will begin to remember all of the times that He saved you out of that pit of despair and how He will save you from the one you may be in now. And He will remind YOU of how He is using your story, your “this” that is making you uncomfortable, making you grow in ways that you never knew before you truly knew Him and sought Him, how what seems like impossible right now can be possible with Him, how whatever “it” is in your life, he CAN and WILL use it for His good, He will use your story to help others in theirs.

Something I struggle with DAILY is anxiety and fear, you could say it’s my addiction. I have allowed it to overtake my mind at times. And although I know it’s not good for me, I keep going back to it, OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And as I’ve started opening up about this over the last year, to myself, as well as others, the response I get is, “What? I would never think that about you.” Well I promise it’s real life. And although I try to spend my mornings with God, exercise regularly and try to eat pretty healthy, that does not exempt me from the devil trying his best to get in my head, and I have let him succeed way too much.

And I don’t know why I’m sharing this with everyone, except that I feel like God has been leading me to for a little while now(TRUTH: I actually wrote this almost two months ago, typed it in my phone one morning, but let the devil stop me that day), and hopefully this scripture can help someone else too. And maybe, just knowing that even though people may look put together on the outside, it doesn’t mean that they aren’t struggling on the inside. And although, if you know me, I can tend to be a little OCD, expecting “perfection” from myself most of the time, it’s something that I am learning to lay down at His feet. Things like:
-Being vulnerable(like right now😉)
-Pride(bringing me to my knees, to His feet)
-Realizing perfect doesn’t exist this side of heaven, but finding strength in Him and growing in my walk with Him, allowing those same fears to be crushed by showing how an imperfect me can be loved and cherished and found by the almighty Him. And how this isn’t the end, how I know that the devil will continue to fight to get into my head, and how some days he may win that fight, but he won’t win the victory!

I hope you all have a great day.